


A Moment in a Voidling's life

by Croziff



Category: League of Legends
Genre: Crack, Crack Treated Seriously, Memes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-17
Updated: 2017-07-17
Packaged: 2018-12-03 10:42:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,942
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11530545
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Croziff/pseuds/Croziff
Summary: A moment of the voidlings' lives in the Institute of War.





	A Moment in a Voidling's life

**Author's Note:**

> Me and deathbringer333 wrote this... thing... for a series of his. It never saw the light of day, until this moment. If nothing makes sense that's because it isn't meant to. Enjoy this... whatever this is...

“WELCOME BACK TO PRIMETIME LEAGUE OF DRAVEN NEWS!”

“TODAY BREAKING DEVELOPMENTS ON THE NOXUS-DEMACIA PEACE TREATY! CAN TIES BE BOUND TO HOLD THE PEACE OR IS THIS THE CALM BEFORE THE STORM THAT WILL BE THE BEGINNING OF THE THIRD RUNE WAR!?”

*cue news intro music*

“LETS GEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEET RIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIGHT INTO THE BM’S-”

*muffled yelling in the background*

“Breaking news I’ve been fired from my own show for telling a kid to go eat a bottle of rat poison and shove a car battery up his ass, what a shocking developme-” Vel'koz turned off the TV before floating to get the door for Malzahar as he came home with groceries. “Prophet, what have you bought?”

“Well I got Koggy all the meat in the shop, tea for Cho, shaving cream for Kha-”

“Why would you buy him shaving cream?”

“Well you know how he evolves after he kills something? Well he ended up killing some random guy… what was his name again? Gandhi? Gandalf? Gnome? Whatever, something with a G and he got a beard from him.”

“Why would he kill him?”

“He called Kha an overgrown mutant cricket.”

“Eh, he had it coming, Kha hates being called an overgrown mutant cricket.”

“So shaving cream for him, gummy bears for Rek’Sai, I got you a new sudoku book and of course I bought the new season of My Little Pony-pocalypse on DVD.” Viktor walking by the room yelled “ha Gaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay” just before Malzahar slammed the door in his face, resulting in Viktor’s metal nose being broken.

“Anywho, I was just about to leave the store when Kayle showed up and told me the punishment for destroying the salad bar and disobeying the ‘no violence in halls’ rule.” This made Vel’Koz pause, just for about 0.0000000001 to remember what exactly happened that day.

* * *

**FLASHBACK**

* * *

*girly screaming*

“AHHH WE’RE DONZOS MY DANK MEMELORDS, ALLAHUAKBAR!”

Malzahar started hollering while running in circles, the voidlings were surrounded with no hope to escape, the bushes where spiraling in on the gang of misfits, gnawing at their feet with vegan hatred. You wouldn’t think bushes would juke you so hard being the soulless patches of vegetation there to keep you from spotting the enemies en route, but they do.

“Malzahar this is not the time to degrade into madness, don’t give into the vision in your head prophet or we shall fall before our breakfast!” Vel’kozby shook the prophet madly, before stopping and questioning how he was to eat salad anyways before being poked by Kog’maw.

“Koggy don’t feel good, salad trying to hug koggy tummy for friends, but Koggy don’t like leafy friends mean plant woman hurt Koggy with angry spikes.” Koggy whines.

“That's ok Kog, we’ll find a way out of this like we always do- Kha are you ok?” Cho turned around to Kha'zix adapting and evolving into a lawn mower, before passively telling the bushes to please not make him do it. Slightly quivering in his new stylish boots with fur. “Look guys, we just want to get through to get some food. There doesn’t have to be leaves shed today. No Soil upturned-”

Truth be told, Kha really didn’t have the guts to mow them down and the bushes realised that. “Make another gardening pun-, say one more fucking gardening pun-, I dare you-, I fucking double dare you mothafucka!-” The bushes screamed out like we all do when we see an enemy 21/0 Jax getting a pentakill, horny- I mean uh angsty and slightly depressed.

“Oh my they can talk, how peculiar. How is it exactly you move is the better question” Vel'koz gently moved a tentacle closer only to have one of the bushes snap at it.

_Agitated chirping and Rek'sai clicking_

“Now Now gentlemen- er uh gentle vegetation? Sir Spuds? What is the correct term for these ehm fern-i?” Cho’gath pondered aloud, ticking off the vegetation to their collective last straws. The Fern-i(?) huddled together in a swirling mass of roots forming a creature similar to Maokai before roaring to life as one planty hive mind full of nitrogen fueled hatred for these moronic vegan wannabe’s and their horrendous puns.

“OH… well den, that's how Maokai was born ~THE MORE YOU KNOW~” Malz snapped back into his sense’s and did the only logical thing to do when faced with a fed Maokai.

“Ready to form Voltron!”

“Activate interlocking twister maneuver!”

“Dino thermite connected!”

“Interest cells up!”

“Vomit Thrusters are a go!”

“Go VoidSquad Force!”

“Form feet and extra void appendages!”

“Form Arms and Claws, maybe some spikes too!- OH and body the body is important-”

“Shut up Kha’zix your fucking this all up jesus christ man we practiced this like 100 times-”

“Guys this isn’t the time to argue we have to get ready for battle!-”

“No No please do continue, this is the interesting part”

“Vel’koz your part of this fight too”

“Yes but everyone loves me and I’m not a moron stuck in a cliche’ voltron spoof”

“Hey don’t break the fourth wall lasagna wannabe, this is a 2D story we don’t have the budget for a fourth wall”

“Good point. Touche’ touche’, where were we?”

“I completely forgot…”

“You were forming voltron.”

“Oh Thanks Plantbushfernthings.”

“AND KOGGY FORM HEAD!”

“Kinky-”

“UGH god dammit Malzahar come on man be professional please.”

“Sorry sorry too tempting.”

“Yea vegan prophet guy we have a fight to get to jeez man I have a short amount of time till winter”

“WAIT A SECOND!”

“Aren’t there 6 of us?”

“KOGGY NOT SEE SISTER, KOGGY SAD… AND HUNGRY… AGAIN....”

“Where is Rek’Sai?”

“She and the Crab-lings are forming a peace loving campaign”

“Damn pacifists”

“Can we go back into off central?”

“Yea good idea it's getting weird Plant guy- er what do you call yourself?”

“My name is Jeff”

Hurdling into a misshapen super voidling with an adorable kitten squeak the voidlings took on an equally formidable stance to Jeff the bush. This of course was all taking place in the middle of the salad bar of the institutes Cafe’, to the displeasure of the caterers and various patrons.

* * *

_Meanwhile_

* * *

“Honey who let the summoners near the salad bar?”

“I think that's the voidlings Beca”

“HOLY SHIT IT'S A LITERAL FOOD FIGHT! So if I cast revive will my broccoli try to kill me?”

“Beca calm down, don’t play with your food HAHAHA”

“...”

“I regret nothing”

* * *

_Back_

* * *

 “Your Reign of Vegan Slaughter ends here Ithacans, I will not watch my brothers die by your Ranch dressing deeds!” Jeff the Bush Rang out before lunging at the voidlings, toppling an ionian elder headed for the bagels.

* * *

**END FLASHBACK**

* * *

 

* * *

_**REK’SAI AND THE CRABLINGS** _

* * *

Jarvan IV and Swain were just staring at the sight before them, not sure what just happened. It was simply a small conflict in the hall half an hour ago. Why are Garen and Darius engaged in a serious drinking competition? Why are Vayne, LeBlanc and Katarina exchanging makeup tips? Why is Talon riding on top of a transformed Shyvana? Why are Draven, Cassiopeia and Vayne having an argument over who is the prettiest? Why is Urgot pole dancing and why are Sion and Galio throwing 20 dollar bills at him? Why is there suddenly an awesome party in the hall with almost every champion, even the ones that usually avoid any sort of outgoings? How did THIS happen?

* * *

_HALF AN HOUR AGO_

* * *

Both Noxians and Demacians respect their leaders. They are representatives of their state and have to act their best. The lives of a lot of people are on their shoulders. They are smart, strong, wise, fair (at least Jarvan is) and are under a lot of pressure every day.

“What did you say?”

“That’s right, I called your bird a fat chicken!”

“YOUR MOM IS A FAT CHICKEN! Beatrice is beautiful raven!”

“That has 6 eyes like a freak it is and is probably your friend because it took pitty on you.”

“Fuck you! She is a living being and is beautiful in her own way! Stick that lance up your ass, prince douchebag!”

“Ass kisser!”

“Daddy’s boy!”

“Whiny bitch!”

“Fuckup!”

If that is so, then why are they insulting each other?

It was a normal Saturday evening, the champions were done with matches and will have a break tomorrow so they can relax. It was quiet in the Institute until Jarvan IV, pissed with his defeat, flipped Swain the bird. This, of course, pissed Swain off, so he returned the gesture. Usually, every Demacian and Noxian would be insulting one another by now, but they were exhausted from the matches. This didn’t mean that tension wasn’t there, it was, but only with Swain and Jarvan. Katarina and Talon were talking about blades, Vlad was making puns about blood, Cassiopea and Draven were looking into the mirrors they always carried with them, Morgana was baking cookies with her magic, Darius was right next to Swain, clearly bored out of his mind, playing the trumpet and LeBlanc was applying makeup. Quinn and Valor were flying around the room, every so often hitting something and making it fall. Vayne was glaring daggers-errrr silver bolts at Vlad due to not him being a vampire, but coming up with shitty puns. Garen was doing one-hand stands to impress Katarina, Lux was taking more Speed, Poppy was still searching for the Hero, Xin was poking his weapon at Galio, who didn’t even notice it. Finally, Fiora was eating a baguette and drinking red wine. Now, since there is a no-weapons and no-magic rule in the institute, the only thing the two leaders could do was slap and insult each other. And so, for about 2 minutes, they were slapping each other like perv slapping a girl’s ass, hard, but not enough for it to bruise, when they heard chirping and clicking along with angry yells. Even Draven looked up from his mirror to see what was interrupting his makeout session with his reflection. Only Swain and Jarvan continued fighting, the rest of the world lost to them.

Then, Rek’Sai came in, with the grace only a queen can have making sure she was showing just enough of her legs, but not too much. She was loudly chirping and clicking about something, but about what, only the Crablings and the Xer’Sai that followed her knew, for they answered her clicks with loud yells of: “Make love, not war!”, “Violence has to end!”, “Woman are not the weaker sex!” or “Take your anger on Teemo, not each other!”. Then, her eyes fell on the two people in position of high power, just like herself, who were busy bitch slapping each other to notice anyone else. This made Rek’Sai sad. She devoted her whole time in the Institute promoting peace and to see two people who needed to be role models for others fighting each other the way 2 class whores fight when they realise they both wore the same dress for the prom would broke Rek’Sai’s heart.

It was at that moment that Rek’Sai realised that if she ever wanted to spread peace, she would have to raise awareness to herself and her cause. She had to do something big, something that no one could ignore and do it in the name of peace. Something like… killing Teemo.

Actually that wouldn’t work, since then the Yordles would probably get pissed. Well all Yordles but Rumble, Veigar and Kled, but a lot of them all the same. And so, she decided to do the next best thing.

She was about to start a concert in the middle of the institute halls.

In the name of peace.


End file.
